oh yeah, culture shock

From culture shock on Wikipedia:

"Transition shock

Culture shock is a subcategory of a more universal construct called transition shock. Transition shock is a state of loss and disorientation predicated by a change in one's familiar environment that requires adjustment. There are many symptoms of transition shock, including: Anger, Boredom, Compulsive eating/drinking/weight gain, Desire for home and old friends, Excessive concern over cleanliness, Excessive sleep, Feelings of helplessness and withdrawal, Homesickness, Hostility towards host nationals, Impulsivity, Irritability, Mood swings, Physiological stress reactions, Stereotyping host nationals, Withdrawal...

Honeymoon Phase
During this period, the differences between the old and new culture are seen in a romantic light. For example, in moving to a new country, an individual might love the new food, the pace of life, and the locals' habits. During the first few weeks, most people are fascinated by the new culture.

Negotiation/Anxiety/Frustration Phase
After some time (usually around three months, depending on the individual), differences between the old and new culture become apparent and may create anxiety. Excitement may eventually give way to unpleasant feelings of frustration and anger as one continues to experience unfavorable events that may be perceived as strange and offensive to one's cultural attitude.

Still, the most important change in the period is communication: People adjusting to a new culture often feel lonely and homesick because they are not yet used to the new environment and meet people with whom they are not familiar every day. The language barrier may become a major obstacle in creating new relationships: special attention must be paid to one's and others' culture-specific body language signs, linguistic faux pas, conversation tone, linguistic nuances and customs. "

Not to mention all of these other cultural differences that are unknown (see image on right)...you can't really prepare for or even understand fully...no matter how much you study before you leave...

So....in my last post, I was deep in the downward swing of the second stage of negotiation.  And it was just about 3 months.  It's not like culture shock is a new thing to me, I've been away from home for 3, 5, 6, 7...up to 9 1/2  months at a time,  6 or 7 times...but it's one of those things that is difficult to notice when you are in the middle of it.  When I was looking online for support, I re-found culture shock, I had one of those big "aha!" moments, (to put it eloquently, "duh!). 

I guess it was the slowly coming out of the downward swing that allowed me to notice.  So, then came the act of discernment: "What is culture shock and what is just not working for us here? "  In the end, there are too many things not working for us. I also have to  ask myself, "Am I just running away because it is too difficult?"  I don't think so. With the thought of leaving, my body relaxes, my mind is at ease.  

The card I picked last week.  

I am so grateful for the experience I've had here, the people I have met, the kindness I have received, the curiousity and smiles, the generosity and friendship, no matter how big or small.  It is a beautiful place, I have to keep reminding myself that no one is at fault, no one is to blame, not them nor me...that this is too difficult.  On both sides, we couldn't have known without trying.  And, as usual for me, there will be some tears to shed, some grieving to do, as I move onto the next stage, saying goodbye to the people, the mountains, the water, the hopes and dreams that were once alive here.

So...deciding next steps.  Maybe spending time checking out another community here in China, practicing aquatic bodywork in the ocean in Thailand...?...and another process of re-adjustment and learning, but it feels ok, even exciting...Maybe family visiting in April...And perhaps still home in May, and then doing it all over again with Reverse Culture Shock!..and then...