Sometimes I feel like this is the best way I can connect with the ones that I love. By speaking about my experiences and sharing photos. But it feels completely insufficient and inadequate in comparison to how full my heart feels with love for all those that I have met on the path of my life’s journey. Many are in Michigan, some are scattered around the world. Some I've known for years, some for days, but with a love just as deep. A love even for those I have not yet met. So how do I express this love? A smile, a meeting with my lover, a conversation with a friend, hugging a tree, enjoying the smell of a flower, creating something to share… there is connection, yet lonliness and a sadness that wants more depth, more in person connectedness. Especially with those so far away, but even with those here near me without a shared language of words.
I want to call home…there is a desire, and there is a 13 hour time difference, and there are bad connections and dropped calls, and an introvert dislike of the phone…just know that if we aren’t talking, we are still connected. Just know that when I am no longer on this planet, we are still connected. We are all connected. We all belong. Yes, even this blond-haired, blue-eyed, English speaking woman in China…I belong. I am curious how the “plan” for me to be in China came about…In a country that wasn’t at the top of my list of places to travel, in a country where the language is one of the most difficult to learn, in a country where I am not living on a white sand, turquoise water beach, in a country that so far has been, grey, gray and cloudy and cold, in a country that is so far away. And yet, we planted the seeds of wanting to build a pool, we planted seeds of living abroad, we planted seeds of living in a quieter culture, we planted seeds of living in nature. I have to remember why I am here when I get caught up in the day-to-day challenges. I am here because someone wants to build us a pool. Of course, we are “white” and foreigners and with that comes a ton of privilege, and for them here in this rural area, prestige. But we have experience that can be helpful, we are learning and growing and having experiences we never could’ve imagined….and so, we belong.
so...the update...it's not written in stone yet, actually not even on paper yet, but we are starting to move forward in the process of applying for a work visa. It feels hard to say these words, yet it is exciting....and scary. But this will include visits home, perhaps the first one in May....and remember, no matter where I am, we are connected.
